My apologies for not posting for a whole week.
You see, my dad is in a rehab facility, and it has been determined that he won’t be able to come back home to his apartment. Therefore, it is up to me to clean out his apartment.
I am happy about getting to clean out his apartment, because I get to keep his tools and electronics. My dad is great at picking out good tools which last for years. And I have always been a sucker for electronics of any type, especially ones with good bass like the ones my dad has.
However, cleaning out the apartment of a messy person who lived alone, like my dad, proves a challenging task.
I have also lost my job. I didn’t like it very much and the people in charge at the headquarters were not nice people.
However I am looking for a new job. Perhaps one in the automotive or IT industries. I have some experience and a lot of interest in working on cars from the auto class I took last semester in college. I also have skill with computers. I know a bit about coding, a lot about working with Microsoft operating systems, and a small amount about command scripting, which is basic computer programming. I might be able to find a job in the IT field, even without a computer programming degree, with my personal experience. I at least aim to.
A few more thoughts, before I post the blog I originally meant to post next.
I have recently discovered my passion for hard rock music. I especially like the music of a band called Three Days Grace. I have been listening to this band’s music all day, today. I have even taken to dancing about playing an imaginary guitar. Now I understand why I insisted I was going to be a rock star when I grew up since age 7. If only I had money for guitar and drum lessons.
I came out to my mom as tranagender. She is emensely saddened by the whole idea. As well as thinking there is something wrong with my psyche. She beleives my not having a good relationship with my dad, therefore not having a good masculine influence in my life while a child, is the root of my problem.
However, I beleive that gender is a matter of social construct. It is true that there are only four sexes (male, female, intersex, hermaphrodite) and that the presence or absence of of certain hormones which determines primary and secondary physical sexual characteristics (whether you have a penis or vagina, whether you have a deep voice or not, whether you have boobs or not, etc.) influences
I also believe that the type of hormones primarily running in your system, estrogen and progesterone or testosterone, effects in some small ways your mental and emotional tendancies. There are studies which find that female children exposed to high amounts of testosterone when in the womb grow up with male tendencies and lifestyle patterns, even if they identify as cis female.
Male fetuses do not respond similarly to in-eutero exposure to estrogen, however. I don’t know why this might be. It certainly seems that hormones have something to do with gendered behaviors.
Yet, I do think that gender is a cultural construct. How men and women are supposed to act and appear has always had a set struture. Until the post-modern era, at least. There are a few well disguised cases of transgender persons in the 17th and 18th centuries, but because these people were locked away in the insane asylums upon discovery, no one really knows of their existence until now.
Had I never heard the word “transgender” I would not have been able to understand why I felt different and like I had lost my identity as a person. I only ever felt whole while playing my book characters. These were predominantly tough, mannish females up until I began dreaming of being a tough yet emotionally sensitive male character. Once I had a template for the ideal male character (I take most of my characters and stories from my vivid dream life) I was happy because I had characters I could relate to better. I was also happy, because I could at least identify as my true self in my dream life. My dreams are the best thing about going to sleep, I find.
Unfortunately, because of my inability to express my problem and my fear of being an outcast or thought crazy if I expressed my odd feelings, I never felt whole. But now, since my discovery of the world wide web, I have fully understood myself and come to grips with my “otherness” feelings.
Anyway, gender is a social construct, therefore people may change it to suit their needs and preferences if they so desire. At least this is what I think.
Sexual attraction is also a matter of prference. Though male-female unions are optimal for population growth, in this age food production is the primary concern, not population growth. Besides, there are ways for other unions to have children. Surrogacy, sperm and egg banks, and adoption are all viable options for familial child generation. It may be possible to create children in a lab via genetic manipulation, someday, eliminating the need for male-female exclusive relations, entirely.
Anyway, those are my thoughts.
Currently listening to High Road by Three Days Grace. For the rockers who might notice my blog, check out this band. They are awesome and the lead singer has a wonderful, gravelly voice.
See you guys next blog. 😎